Harmony Tea.

This morning I'm drinking a warm cup of my new Chinese herbs. Four scoopfuls of a granular powder three times a day. The stuff is explained in Chinese on the bottle but as I understand it these particular granules are for harmony in a couple of my organs this week. At first the concoction tastes a bit like dusty gasoline, but now, after many weeks of this kind of medicine, I've begun to find the taste soothing, comforting even.

For the past month or two I've been going to acupuncture once a week to get my body, mind and spirit cleansed, strong and healthy. God, it is so hard to talk about it without it sounding so goopy. Why is that? Why does peaceful healing stuff sound so much like a bunch of steaming bullshit? It really is true, I'm healing my body, mind and spirit ok?!?!?! Sorry I'm not drinking martinis and saying "fuck it" to the details of french cooking and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer or meditating in India, eating pizza in Italy and falling in love on a beautiful island while I tend to a wise man (although both ways are effective). I'm just going to acupuncture once a week and trying to make things better.

I want to have a baby someday (soon!!!) and I've been working with Angie on making my body a happy organism to fulfill such a dream. I've quit smoking. I don't drink beer anymore. (I've now switched to rose wine which is tacky and a little bit like a lush, but it doesn't take itself too seriously and it's pink after all.) I've been doing yoga as close to everyday as I can (which is anywhere from 0 to 5 times a week). And I don't remember the last french fry I had.

I'm also really angry and sad it turns out. This is something that I always knew was lurking on the inside somewhere but Dr. Tsao saw it on my tongue and now it's all out in the open. (He can read your tongue like it's your diary!) I'M MAD. I ALSO WANT TO CRY A LOT. And I know that's hard on the people that love me. I'm working on it. I am. I know living in this warehouse by the BQE isn't helping much at all. We're moving. And my greater purpose is out there waiting for me and I'm coming as fast as I can I just don't totally know WHERE it is physically on this planet.

Until it's clear. I will sit here. Now. On my futon. With the constant swishing sound of highway traffic at my head. With the smell of the industrial bakery on the first floor filling my senses (almost to nausea). With the tub of Pabst Blue Ribbon and the coffee grinds scattered like confetti just outside my door.

And drink my Chinese herbs for Harmony.